I suppose I should backtrack a bit. My name is Ryan Woerner, which you probably know, because you typed my name in to get here. I don’t necessarily feel the need to introduce myself on my own website*, but it’s important for SEO that I get that in there. 

So that we are formally acquainted: I was born in Abington, Pennsylvania and spent the first 18 years of my life in Abington, Pennsylvania before deciding that I ought to go to college. Four years later I graduated from Millersville University of Pennsylvania with a degree in Speech Communication and an option in Public Relations. Very little happened to me in between those two events.

Mostly, though, I am just someone who enjoys making people laugh. As an aside, I initially wrote “seeing and hearing people laugh” because that felt less vain, but it’s way creepier and probably passive voice or something. Laughter and comedy are central foci of my daily life. It’s common – and even enviable – to see people who are able to sink their entire being into their career, their relationships, their hobbies, or their faith. I’ve struggled with just about all of those things in my life, but never found myself fully immersed in any of them. Instead of spending my time on something worthwhile, my entire being is firmly sunk in comedy.

Hobbies and interests have always eluded me. I used to absolutely hate being asked what I was passionate about. Attempting to avoid this question while meeting a new person is like trying to avoid being asked your name, what you do for a living, or why you didn’t stop when you hit that kid on your bike. When asked about my passions, I’ve often stumbled to come up with an adequate answer. I like writing and reading? And sports, and Google Sheets? I enjoy feeling like I’m helping people? And I’m pretty clean, I like cleaning. Do those count as passions or are they more hobbies? Maybe fixations? “Cleaning” definitely shouldn’t be in there either way.

But I’ve come to realize in recent years that I do have a passion – I enjoy comedy, passionately. 

On his podcast, Conan O’Brien mentions more than once that comedy is like a religion to him. If that’s true, I’d be happy to join his sect of whatever religion that is. I haven’t been in a house of worship for quite some time, but I imagine the Church of Comedy would be a forgiving one.

I’m not a comedian, nor do I ever intend to become one. Genuinely, I’m not funny enough for that. I’m not even the funniest guy I know, nor am I the funniest guy anyone I know knows. But I enjoy surrounding myself with comedy more than anything else in life. If you’ve been in my apartment (which, statistically, you haven’t) you’ve probably heard an almost endless stream of My Brother, My Brother and Me, or Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend — two comedy podcasts that have both filled the noiseless void of my apartment endlessly in recent years and have almost certainly had some tangible impact on the shape, size, or folds of my brain. During the onset of the pandemic, I spoke to others about how the voices of the McElroy brothers making jokes was, in some odd way, comforting and familiar during a weird and isolating time. Comedy literally calmed me down and eased my anxiety in addition to, you know, making me laugh.

Surrounding myself with comedy has been a lifelong endeavor. Prior to my current position in Operations Managment in the credit data space (a notoriously hilarious field), I spent a year of my life as a landscaper, primarily responsible for the weed whacking of various properties. I was routinely made fun of by my coworkers for choosing to listen to stand up comedy in my earbuds while I worked, rather than the more traditional choices of music, or speaking to other people. I have no regrets.

A reassuring part of this is that I’ve found out it’s not just me. There are others out there like me, and I’ve done my best to surround myself in life almost exclusively with people who make me laugh. If you aren’t funny and you find yourself around me, you likely provide me with some other life-nurturing benefit; perhaps you’re very wealthy, very kind, or very physically attractive. But more than likely you’re funny, because that’s what I tend to prioritize most. 

So on this site, you’ll find some of my writing. It’s not all going to be funny; not because some of the stories are more serious in tone (though that’s true as well) but because I write most of these stories to make me laugh**, not you.

Currently, I live and work in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. That’s not funny either, but again, SEO.

*That thing I said before about how you’ve probably never met me almost definitely isn’t true. If you’re on this website you almost definitely have met me. It’s almost weird if you’re here and we haven’t met. How did you even get here?

** I am often more successfuly in making myself laugh than making others laugh. I’m okay with this largely, so long as nothing on this website is taken even remotely seriously.